I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
