Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
