fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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