she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
