if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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