Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Blood and glitter go together right?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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