Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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