I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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