When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I believe in your delicious
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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