Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am available for nakedness
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