i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
