I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
