Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
