the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
