I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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