he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
