i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
