Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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