I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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