This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
