just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
