and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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