I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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