i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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