Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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