About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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