when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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