so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
