You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
