God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
