are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
