I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
