fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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