I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
