you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
