you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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