So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
