I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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