why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
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My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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