You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
