Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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