saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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