Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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