I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
