are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
