How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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