We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
