I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
