peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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