They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
