I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
