Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
