youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
