Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
