If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
