I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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