They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
