1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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