I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dick has a subreddit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
