i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i love accidental penises.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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