Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
please come you make the beer taste better
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were trust falling into bushes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
